


Back to Him

by focusonspn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blood, Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Character Death, Dark, Dark Character, Demon Dean Winchester, F/M, Gore, Heavy Angst, Mark of Cain (Supernatural), Post-Demon Dean Winchester, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:40:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22248778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/focusonspn/pseuds/focusonspn
Summary: Dean is grieving her, and through the process, he makes a decision.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & You, Dean Winchester/You
Kudos: 20





	Back to Him

**Author's Note:**

> This is for @katymacsupernatural‘s 6K Golden Challenge on Tumblr! This is also my first attempt at writing angst so, I hope it’s tolerable lol. Unbeta’d. I hope you like it ♡

Dean drank the remaining whiskey in the tumbler in a gulp before putting it down onto the library table. It was late at night but his brain wasn't giving any signs of giving up anytime soon, the bloody and torturous images running wild through his mind and hence keeping him wide awake. 

He ran a hand over his tired face, breaking his glance from the shelf in front of him, and focused his eyes on his right arm for the tenth time in a row. The Mark was red-hot and swollen, burning down his skin and aching like every time he remembered, like every time he wrapped his mind around what he knew it was now one of his worst memories.

Her death.

How he killed her.

Y/N never was the best hunter, neither the best fighter and that’s why she wasn't difficult to find even when Sam told her to run and hide while they were escaping from the demon version of Dean. She was hiding inside the closet they used to share, in the bedroom where their happiest moments as a couple happened, where they made love so many times. 

Now all those happy memories were pushed back by her fatal end, causing him the inability of getting inside those four walls.

Ever since Dean was cured by Sam and turned into a cursed man again, his brother tried one and a thousand times to tell him that Y/N’s death wasn’t his fault, that he wasn’t himself when he committed such actions. What Dean didn’t dare to tell him, though, was that at that moment, what pushed him to follow her lead towards their shared bedroom, was that he did want to kill her. Even as a demon, Dean knew about his weakness for her, and he knew the only way he didn’t get attached to his past was wiping her off the map. 

That’s what he did, and now he was ashamed of how good he felt doing it. 

He remembered the adrenaline running through his veins as his boots advanced down the Bunker hallways. The satisfaction when he found her; her heavy breathing giving her away. And last, the strength and power he felt the moment the hammer between his fingers connected with the side of her beautiful and delicate face. Greedy for the feeling, he didn’t stop, he kept bumping and impacting the piece of metal into her skull until there was nothing but a pool of dark red blood flowing at his feet.

Now that he was back on himself, he felt empty, guilty, the pressure on his chest not leaving him breathing correctly, the unspilled tears ticking at the back of his eyes. Sometimes he wished he was still a demon, able to not feel a damn thing and keep going with his life but, as fast as that thought crossed his mind it also left because this wasn’t about him, it was about Y/N and the irreparable damage he caused her.

Dean deserved feeling the pain.

Feeling the misery, agony, and fury overtaking him, he stood up in an abrupt move, knocking off the chair where he was sitting seconds before. The tumbler shattered against the shelf in front of him as well as the Whiskey bottle and the lamp on the table did on the floor. He let out his frustration and pain by throwing and slamming everything that stepped on his way.

When he was done, Dean supported the weight of his body on his arms, his palms flat onto the dark wooden table. Salty water ran freely down his cheeks and pooling on his upper lip before sliding down his jaw and finally fall on the brown material. He couldn't handle this, he couldn't handle the guilt, the pain yet what was harder for him to handle was losing her. The fact of not being able to wake up next to her anymore, with his big arm wrapped around her body, not being able to feel her lips against his anymore, and not being able to hear her laugh or see her smile anymore. All those things were breaking him to the point where there was nothing left but emptiness.

And there, grieving for his lost love, he finally found a new motivation. 

Dean was going to get rid of the Mark of Cain, and then, when he was sure he wasn't going to hurt her again, he was going to bring her back.

Bring her back to him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it, let me know on the comments!


End file.
